I have been really bad this month and haven’t posted much so I am going to try and share a little about what has been going on and air out some “dirty laundry” too! I apologize for the length of this post in advance!
Household Fact: Elijah turned 9 months old last week! I can hardly believe we are here already. At his 9 mo check-up he weighed 22.5lbs and was 28 ¾ in long! He got and recovered from RSV and we are grateful that he didn’t end up in the hospital like Gabriel did 6 years ago! His 2nd tooth just pushed through yesterday. He is crawling like a mad man and we have started slowly feeding him more “real” food. So far he loves cooked carrots, bananas, eggs (just the yolks!) and pears. I think he so much wants to be a “big boy” and is enjoying that he is discovering so many new things at this time.
Dirty Laundry: Alright – I need to be honest with you all about something that I have struggled with. When Elijah was first born and I was nursing around the clock I spent a large majority of my time in the recliner in our living room. I am one of those people that can basically fall asleep within minutes of laying/reclining. So when I would go and get Elijah to nurse him I would fall asleep before he finished and basically only wake up when he was ready to nurse again. I know… So what has developed is this dependency on me holding Elijah for him to sleep. When I have tried in the past to put him in his crib he freaks out. I tried a few nights ago and he seriously cried for 2 hours. No joke! I was so exhausted by that point that I went and picked him up and sat in the recliner and I kid you not he looked at me, smiled and fell instantly asleep!
So here I am 9 months after having this beautiful, miracle baby and I am sleeping in a recliner. I have slept probably a sum total of 10 hours in my bed since he was born. And the worst part? I am afraid to take that next step and venture into the realm of letting him “cry it out”. Some nights he wakes up and does need a diaper change, not most nights..but some. I am almost done nursing him and really only do it during the overnights, and some nights he doesn’t need it….but some he does. So how do you incorporate letting him “cry it out” with knowing when he actually does need something? It is something that I struggle with and I keep delaying the inevitable. Does this make me a terrible mom?! Please, please pray about this for me!
Household Fact: Gabriel is doing so well in school. We had conferences a few weeks ago and are so pleased with how much he is learning. It is school in our home all the time and he is always asking us how to spell different words. I am so grateful that he enjoys school!
Isaac is also doing well in school and continues to be such a support to us with Elijah and Gabriel. He recently has had a sinus infection, ear infection and now has a terrible cough. Please pray that he starts to feel better soon. We are all a little tired of this winter! :)
Dirty Laundry: I would like to ask for prayer from you in a specific way. One of the areas that I struggle in my life is with my short temper. I find that it takes little to make me irritated or upset and once irritated or upset I react with either a certain tone of voice or the dreaded “look”. Gabriel calls me on it often and will tell me that I need to apologize for “being mad at him”. I don’t want to be this way anymore but I am convinced that I cannot do this alone. I really want this area of sin in my life to be redeemed and so I am putting this out there and asking that you pray for this area of my life. I know that if anyone can “fix” this in my life it is God so I covet your prayers.
Household Fact: Dominic and I are working together to better manage our finances and pay off a large portion of our existing debt. We have put some things into place, gotten rid of some credit card payments and have a plan to be in a much better position financially within the next year. This is the first time we have sat down, looked at a budget and worked together like this and I am excited at the prospect of freedom in this area of our lives. Again I would ask for prayer that God would bless this for us so that in the future we are better equipped to help others as He sees fit.
Dirty Laundry: As I am wrapping up this post I realize that I am asking over and over again for your prayers and again I need to share an area of sin in my life that I am struggling with. I have said it before and have been confronted with it again today. I am a jealous person. Specifically in the area of pregnancy. I recently found out that a person I know is pregnant. I truly want to feel happy for them but inside I feel jealous. Jealous that they can say they got pregnant right away when they tried and jealous that it probably won't happen that way for me. I shouldn’t be jealous. Just by the numbers I already have 3 kids. It seems ridiculous when I write it out. But it is the truth and an area of my life that I am ashamed of. I want to be genuinely happy for people that don’t have to struggle with infertility issues. I want to be contented with the amazing children we do have. But when I hear how easy it is for some and I know that in my heart I want to be pregnant again..sometime in the future…I feel jealous. Yuck - what a character defect right?!
I know there are those that can’t even have children that must deal with this feeling even more than I. I know that I must seem ungrateful that I am “lucky” enough to have the 3 boys that I do. I don’t mean to come off that way and I hope that I don’t offend anyone here – that isn’t my intent. So in this too I covet your prayers.
Well there you have it guys….some good, some bad and some ugly. I am grateful that I can share and air my life and my laundry. Thank you in advance for your prayers! Blessings dear friends!