Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Isaac

Isaac is an AMAZING kid. When I stop and think about all the wonderful things about him I wonder how is it that this could be our son? He is caring and kind, he has always been such a good brother to Gabriel. Whenever I need help with something I can count on Isaac, whenever I need someone to spend time with Gabriel - Isaac knows what to do.

He has always been an excellent student and we have been so lucky that he doesn't struggle in school. His homework levels are manageable and if I leave him a list of things to do after school I know that they will get done.

He started taking piano lessons last year and has really excelled at that quickly. I almost wish I hadn't given up on lessons when I did because when I hear him play I get a little jealous. His teacher says he has a raw talent and rhythm and although he says that his lessons are sometimes too hard he always masters them in no time.

This year he started middle school - 6th grade. It was probably harder initially for me than him because I remember what those years were like for me...and I don't really have the happiest of memories. I was never the pretty girl or the popular girl or the athlete or the smartest student. I guess I was just average and my whole life I wanted to be so much more than just average. I had braces and glasses and a pretty terrible hairdo. I wasn't the girl that all the guys "asked out" and I was terribly shy and insecure. Looking back makes me wonder how did we all survive that?

So because of my flop as a popular, smart, beautiful, outgoing middle schooler - I had such high hopes that things would be different for Isaac.

But I am realizing that some things don't change...kids are mean, they say terrible things, they hurt people's feelings - mostly because of their own insecurity - and the pressures to be "perfect" are still there.

I didn't want Isaac to face these challenges. But he is, and he does, and some days for Isaac I am sure things seem dark. There are pressures to be involved in certain sports and teasing if you are not....especially in a smaller school. There are kids that are nasty - just to be nasty, and somehow he has to learn to be an example to them. Pray for them, understand that they must be hurting inside to treat someone badly. Easier said than done right?

So I found myself frustrated tonight - why can't Isaac love football and be the star of the team, why can't he be the biggest, fastest kid in gym class. Why can't he be the most confident, outgoing, smart kid in his class.

And then I realized that if he were all those things he wouldn't be the amazing son that we have today. If it all came too easy for him, if he were over confident would he care about the little guy? Probably not. I see those kids in his class now and I am sure they aren't looking out for anyone but themselves.

Do I want my son to grow up to be a star or a man of God? Of course the answer is a man of God...but I realize that as I type this that probably means his road will not be easy, his burden heavy at times. It can be painful at times to walk an upright road with the Father. Painful because of what this world tells us is the "way". As a parent I don't want to see my child suffer those truths, but knowing his eternal destination is at stake, it is important that I lead him on a journey with a Savior that loves him. Encourage those Godly things in his life, help him to establish a relationship with God so that when he journeys alone he knows the way.

I am a person that "wants her cake and eat it too". I want the "good life" that the world has to offer, but I also want the eternal life that God has to offer. I can't always have it both ways. I have to continue to search for that peace in what we have now and what is yet to come. Find the reasons to be grateful, even if they are small things, and celebrate the life we are allowed to live now instead of wish it could be different. Set that example for my kids so that they can be grateful too, they can see the good in difficult situations. Keep my heart and my mind focused on the precious gifts we have been given from a God who sacrificed more than I have ever been asked to sacrifice. Knowing that this journey is but a fleeting moment compared to our eternal journey.

Isaac I am so proud of who you are, you are a wonderful son and I wouldn't change a thing about you. I know that God has special things planned for you and I can't wait to see what they are!

I love you, Mom

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