If you are familiar at all with Dave Ramsey you will recognize the phrase “Better than I deserve”. Every time someone asks Dave how he is – that is his response. Dominic likes that phrase and has also taken to using it. And for some reason last night on my drive home I was thinking about it.
What do I “deserve”?
I certainly don’t deserve the gifts that I have been given in my family and friends. I don’t deserve to be so fortunate to be blessed with a warm home and cars that get me to work, and a job and a paycheck that affords me not only the necessities but also many luxuries.
In all honesty….
I deserve to be snapped at….for every time that I have snapped at my kids.
I deserve to be judged and talked about…for every time that I looked down my nose at someone else or spoke poorly about someone behind their back.
I deserve to be treated with impatience…for every time that I was impatient with someone else.
I deserve to have my husband angry at me for not meeting his needs…..for every time that I set unrealistic expectations for him, failed to communicate them to him and then got angry when he didn’t read my mind.
The list could go on and on….and I don’t share these things so that you can tell me what a great person I am…and don’t be so hard on myself. This isn’t me trying to bash myself or feeling sorry for myself. In the past few years I have been on this journey of understanding who I am and looking to who I want to be…these revelations are just a few of the eye opening pictures of who I have been and still am at times.
But each and every day I am given a gift. The gift of not getting what I deserve but getting so much more than I deserve.
Instead of harsh words or tones….my six year old tells me “I am the best mom in the whole world”.
Instead of being judged….I am loved and accepted for who I am.
Instead of being treated with impatience….I am allowed to make mistakes and learn from them – in my time and am accepted through it.
Instead of an angry/resentful husband….I have a husband who loves me and supports me even when I am on the “crazy” merry-go-round – spinning away. He can always get me grounded again with his words of wisdom.
Instead of receiving the “punishment” I deserve for my sinful ways….I am given the gift of life in Christ.
Today – regardless of whether it is a good day or a bad day, I will inevitably get better than I deserve. Today I have been given the chance to work with and walk with other women on a similar journey of self-discovery. And I guarantee you that I am getting WAY MORE than I am capable of giving in those relationships. Such an amazing gift…watching someone else discover “it” too. Realizing that all along it was always my perspective on a situation that kept me negative or kept me believing that it wouldn’t be ok, or I can’t get through it. The truth is I was always better than I deserved!
THANK GOD that He doesn’t allow me to get what I deserve, but allows me to have a changed perspective. To see beauty in difficulty. To see hope instead of despair. To see the positive instead of the negative.
On Friday we remember a sacrifice made thousands of years ago. One in which a faultless, blameless man took what I deserved with every hit of the hammer, with every sneer and tormenting word, with a crown of thorns pushed into His brow….He took it all.
I deserved it….and He took it for me.
The gravity of that statement is something that right at this moment is weighing on me.
On Resurrection Sunday we celebrate that gift of Life that is found in Christ. But for the next few days I encourage you to spend some time thinking about the cost of the gift that was given to you. It is sometimes easier to think He did it for others and not us…but personalize this. He did it for just you…for just me…..
I will do this Father for Kristin because I love her.
I will do this Father for Dominic because I love him.
I will do this Father…..
Heavenly Father, I don’t know that I will ever comprehend the love You felt for me to sacrifice Your only Son to die a gruesome and painful death just so I might live. I can’t ever do enough to earn or deserve Your grace, You give it to me freely. Thank you for loving me that much. My prayer today is that my life could be a reflection of that grace in my life. In Jesus Name, Amen