Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Raw and Uncut

If the title doesn’t “warn” you let me just say this….this post is a little raw and maybe something that I shouldn’t post. But it is me today so you have been notified…you can stop reading here and come back for a more “uplifting” post later!

Today I am a little…strike that - a lot mad! Mostly I am mad at the fact that my best friend is slowly dying, mad that there isn’t any medical treatment that can save her, mad that she has to be uncomfortable and in pain, mad that God doesn’t perform a miracle in her life because I KNOW the kind of witness she would be if He did….

I mean seriously Lord, I just can’t wrap my mind around this….why does it have to be this way?

Elijah and I had such a fun visit with Karlena. Overall he was a great baby. He travelled well and he played and crawled all over Karlena’s house. He played with her dogs and her son Kaleb….he played with her husband Kerry and his mom Melynda, he talked and ate lots of food and Karlena really got a chance to see him as he is. I was so grateful for that.

And she and I had lots of time to talk. As always we found time to talk about the big things and the little things. It was just sharing “life”…you know? We don’t have to have big plans…we can just relax and “be” and that is so refreshing. I don’t really have another friend that I can do that with so easily.

But yet I couldn’t shake the feeling while we were there that our time is running short. Hopefully it was my over-reactive imagination but as we sat in church just the two of us on Sunday morning and listened to a story about Martha pouring the expensive perfume on Jesus’ feet and washing them with her hair, I was overcome by the thought that the next time I might be there would be for…..

Lord, I can’t even type the words…my heart is aching and my eyes are filled with tears as I write this…

And so yesterday I cried in the shower as I got myself ready to leave. And just when I think that I can “handle” this thing…losing someone that I love…I realize that once again I am at the feet of Jesus – angry that I can’t fix this and that as I perceive He won’t, and begging Him at the same time to help me to understand the “whys”.

As broken as my spirit feels today I am also reminded of the hope that comes from Jesus. And the other thought that came to me on Sunday morning was that when that time comes…I must take the opportunity to invite others to the table at which she and I will both someday feast. A heavenly banquet, invitation provided, the day that I opened up my heart and asked Jesus to be my Savior.

Here’s the deal folks….we don’t know how much time we have left and the decision CAN NOT be put off. I know there are people out there that think that this “Jesus” stuff is just not for them…or maybe you believe the lie that your past is just too bad to be washed clean….what kind of God would love a sinner like me right??

You don’t have to love “religion” to follow Jesus. You don’t have to be perfect before you are invited to the banquet. We become perfected in Him, because of Him. He isn’t Catholic or Lutheran or Baptist or Muslim….


Born into this world, to live as a man, be tempted as we are, suffer like none has ever had to suffer, and then He willingly chose to bear the weight of my sins…our sins on His shoulders on a cross so that the cavern between us and God now has a bridge for us to cross.

Karlena will likely cross that bridge before I do and as much as that grieves me the blessing is that the bridge will be there when it is my turn. It can be there for you as well. If you haven’t ever taken the step towards a new life in Christ I beg you to do it now.

Pray this simple prayer with me….

Lord, I admit that I am a sinner through and through. I know that I can’t do anything to fix the mistakes of my past but I know Lord that You can. Please come into my heart Lord. Wash me clean, help me to become a new creation in You Lord. I trust my life and my will to You and I thank You for providing a way to be with You forever. Help me to know and seek Your will always. In Jesus Name, Amen.

If you have just prayed that prayer please let me know so that I can pray with you and for you. And congratulations you too have just been invited to the banquet……

There is no valley, there is no darkness, there is no sorrow greater than the grace of Jesus……


Clare said...

I'm with you Kristin. I love you Kristin and thank you.

Kami said...

I don't think there's any need for a disclaimer for you to be raw and uncut. That's being real. I can't imagine the pain you must be suffering. Nobody expects for us to understand death, and nobody truly expects for us to handle it well. All we can do is fall into the arms of Christ and let Him be our comfort.

I will be praying for you - please keep us updated.


Anonymous said...


Thanks for the awesome post Kristen. May God's love and strength wrap His arms around your friend to guide her and assure her of His loving grace.

Sandy Hook

Amanda said...

Im sorry. I wish I could offer you advice or wisdom... but it seems to me that you are already looking in the right place for that. :)

Be blessed-

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