Monday, September 26, 2011

Worst Case Scenario?

What kind of person are you? Are you the kind that can see the positive in everything or are you the type that often considers the "worst case scenario"?

If you are anything like me, in some may revert to the "worst case" side of things. I don't love that side of me and I think that it is usually the result of fear in my life.

The fear of what exactly?? I think for me some of my biggest fears are that I won't measure up...I won't be enough. My kids won't fit in and they will struggle.

But don't you love the saying below??

The idea that if we are bringing those fears to God that we will find courage...a strength in Him that we aren't capable of ourselves.

I have seen how something that I had great fear about has been transformed through prayer and trusting God with my children.

I wrote this post about how I felt when we got a diagnosis for Gabriel 4 years ago. I was terrified for him. I just wanted him to have friends, to be like every other kid his age.

I would read about the characteristics of kids on the Spectrum and it would talk about kids that are "loners" and lack empathy.  Knowing how hard school can be anyways I worried that Gabriel would really struggle.  That he wouldn't have friends and would be seen as "aloof"

There wasn't much that I could do to "control" the situation and I just had to pray for him and support and encourage him where I could and trust the team that was put into place to work with him...and trust God with all the details after that.

Someone started working with Gabriel when he was 3. He had speech therapy and also worked one "social skills" with a few other kids in his class.

For the first year there wasn't a huge change. He continued to play alone, but his speech improved and we started understanding more and more of what he was trying to communicate.

Today though you wouldn't recognize him from the Gabriel we feared for 4 years ago.

Last week I completely forgot to study his spelling words with him and he got 100% plus 4 out of 5 bonus words correct!  This mama was proud!! :)

And today I went over to the school and had lunch with him because he is the Star Student for the week.  We had to fill out a sheet and answer some questions about what he likes etc and his favorite class is math! He wants to be a pilot when he grows up but he also wants to be a magician too! :)

When I met him in the hall some of the kids asked if they could sit with him at lunch. He showed me where to go and told me how to get my tray. And after lunch he was getting in line for recess and I was getting ready to go when this boy a few in front of him in line pushed this girl really hard and she fell back into Gabriel and onto the floor. The first thing Gabriel did was immediately ask her "Are you ok?!"

And I could tell that he was genuinely concerned about her.

The memories of my fears from 4 years ago came rushing back to me as I walked to the parking lot.  So much that I thought wasn't possible for him....and so much that he has already overcome.

Gabriel is a joy to me. Simply a joy.

I could have spent the last 4 years sick with worry. Afraid of his future and all of the obstacles that might stand in his way. At some point though I knew that I had to turn him over to God and trust that His path for Gabriel....for all of my childten, was better than my own.

Fear binds us, it holds us captive. It lies to us and tells us that we will never be enough, we will never measure up, that we will always struggle.

Today I am trying to choose life instead of fear. To trust in God with all areas of my life and to watch in wonder as His beauty unfolds in front of me.

Is fear in any area of your life holding you hostage?  Join me and others as we read "What Women Fear" with the Bloom Book Club at (in)Courage.  I am so excited to go through the book again and then connect with other people on the journey of freedom from fear. Will you join us?

1 comment:

Mom said...

I was thinking the same thing about Gabriel when I was there on Friday--who would have thought he would come so far, so fast. Our family is truly blessed by all our grandchildren (and our children and their spouses).

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